


The Experiment

by Joanne_c



Category: Escape (The Piña Colada Song) - Rupert Holmes (Song)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-23
Updated: 2015-12-23
Packaged: 2018-05-08 15:48:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5503574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joanne_c/pseuds/Joanne_c
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if the Lady of the song had her own plan in mind with her personal ad that wasn't an affair with another person?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Experiment

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Bethynyc](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bethynyc/gifts).



> One way I think the song might have gone. There are many other interpretations, but this one seems as plausible as any in my mind.

One

The ad was simple. _If you like twenty year old scotch, walking on the beach, and old movies, write to me and escape._ She placed it in the paper, thinking of him reading it in bed. Hoping this might be the one to make him respond. She knew things were a little dull. Work, and housework, and the dullness of routine had pushed them into a rut. So when she’d noticed him reading the personal ads one night in bed when he thought she was asleep, an idea had formed in her mind. Write one, pick up on things he liked, and bring them into their lives, rather than let life continue on as the same dull routine they’d found themselves in. She honestly couldn’t remember the things he’d liked back in the day, not the ones that hadn’t become part of the routine that was the whole issue with their relationship now, and she was always up for trying something new if they didn’t click perfectly. The only drawback was that it would require him to take the step of an affair, but after champagne and lingerie didn’t work, she figured they could talk out that part. If not, perhaps they would finally make the break if it was for the best.

She got an answer, and arranged to meet in a cafe. She’d be wearing a red sweater, he’d be wearing a black jacket and white scarf. But _just_ in case, she stayed in her coat. It turned out to be a good idea. The man who walked in wearing a black jacket and white scarf, and went up to another lady in a red sweater, wasn’t him.

Two

She decided to keep the ads simple. Things that she either already liked, or thought she would. _If you like wind in your hair, brandy by the fire and Robert Redford movies, write to me and escape._ She wasn’t sure why she’d picked Robert Redford, maybe because he’d laughed the last time they watched Butch Cassidy on TV. She sent the ad in, and waited for replies.

Again, she set it up with the red sweater, black jacket and white scarf. Again, she waited in her coat. This one wasn’t him either.

Three

She almost gave up after the third one. The ad was a little more sexually explicit, though nothing that wouldn’t pass muster in the newspaper, it was just a mention of whipped cream on the skin. The guy who walked in? She pulled her collar tight so he wouldn’t even suspect she might have a red sweater under the coat. This one was definitely not a good idea. But she had three more ads paid for. Might as well keep trying, right?

Four

She still waited a few weeks before placing the next ad, just to get that bad experience out of her head. Plus, he was being a little more attentive to her, so maybe they could find their way back. At least she’d hoped so, but after a couple of days, it was the same old story of silence across the dinner table and she was frustrated enough to try again. _If you like expensive coffee, theatrical plays and midnight walks, write to me and escape._

Again came the reply letter. Again came the letter back arranging for the red sweater and black jacket and white scarf. Again, it wasn’t him and she hid in her corner, wondering if she would ever get the combination right.

Five

Second last ad, and she tried to change up the wording, try and catch his sense of humour. _If you have half a brain, like talking to women, like making love outside, write to me and escape._ This one takes a while to get a response, and she wonders if this time, maybe. The reply letter is as joking and cute as her ad and she makes the same arrangements.

Her red sweater stays under her coat yet again.

Six

Last ad. She’s going to stop after this one. She thinks a little and comes up with one that she’s actually kind of proud of. _If you like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain_  
If you're not into yoga, if you have half a brain  
If you like making love at midnight in the dunes of the cape  
Then I'm the love that you've looked for, write to me and escape  
She doesn’t expect this one to have a different result. Why should she, it’s clearly not the way to get to him. Maybe he reads and fantasizes, but he doesn’t reply. He just thinks about how it would be if he did. She might like that better, if he would only talk to her about it.

She likes the answer she gets, more than the usual reply letter:  
_Yes, I like piña coladas and getting caught in the rain_  
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne  
I've got to meet you by tomorrow noon and cut through all this red tape  
At a bar called O'Malley's where we'll plan our escape  
O’Malley’s was a different place, not the usual coffee shop she set up the meetings in. Maybe she could have a drink after and drown her sorrows after the experiment failed, she figured, writing back to confirm.

She went in a little after noon, and stared. It was him. He stared back, equally shocked.

“I never knew,” he said. “I didn’t think it was you.”

She nodded. “So we have something to talk about, don’t we? Should I just go out of here and see a lawyer? Or do we talk about our mutual interests and see if we can salvage our relationship?”

“Salvage?” he asked. Trying to play it off as if he’d never come out looking for an affair.

“Salvage. You came thinking I was another woman, and no amount of Pina Coladas is going to save our relationship if we don’t talk about it,” she said firmly. “So are you willing to talk, or do we forget it. Tell me now, because I can just about handle it if we go our separate ways now, but if we try and you don’t put all you can into it...” she trailed off.

“No, I’m here, I’m willing, I didn’t know it was you, but I was happy to see you, happy to think we might have something in common still, besides living in the same house,” he said to her. “I want to try.”

“Then let’s talk about pina coladas, getting caught in the rain... and maybe we can work up to making love at midnight in the dunes at the cape,” she said and took his hand, ready to try for their future at last.


End file.
